Parenting Plan in Divorce: Essential Agreements

If you separate and have minor children, it is mandatory to draw up a parenting plan. This plan helps to make agreements about the care and upbringing of the children after the divorce. The purpose of a parenting plan is to ensure that both parents continue to bear joint responsibility for the children after the divorce. In this article we explain what a parenting plan is, what agreements it must contain, and how you can draw it up.

What is a parenting plan?

A parenting plan is a document in which parents who are separating make agreements about the care, upbringing and interaction with their children. The plan has been mandatory since 2009 for parents who are divorcing and have minor children. The aim is to promote communication between parents and prevent conflicts by making agreements in advance about how the children will be raised. Although it is not mandatory to see the children equally, it remains important that both parents have access to the children and remain responsible for their well-being.

Does my child have a say in living arrangements?

Parents often wonder whether their child can choose who they will live with after the divorce. In practice, this depends on various factors, such as the child's age and opinion. Children from about the age of 12 in the Netherlands have more of a say in parental contact arrangements; their wishes are taken seriously when drawing up the parenting plan. However, this does not mean that the child can decide completely for himself. The final agreements are still made together by the parents, sometimes in consultation with a mediator or through the court if they cannot reach an agreement. With younger children, their feelings and wishes are usually discussed by the parents, possibly supported by, for example, theChild telephone or theCenter for Youth and Family. It is important to communicate openly and to put the interests of the child first. Does your child ask to live with one parent? Then it is wise to continue the conversation and agree as smoothly as possible together what is in the best interests of the child.

Involving children in the parenting plan

Involving your child in drawing up the parenting plan is not only desirable, but in many cases even mandatory. This means that you talk to your child about his or her wishes and feelings regarding the new living situation. Children from around 6 years old can often clearly indicate what they find important. By talking together, there is room for their opinions and they feel taken seriously in the process. Naturally, as a parent you always decide what is feasible and appropriate for the age and character of your child.

Parenting plan: 5 Important Agreements

When drawing up a parenting plan, a number of important topics must be addressed. These agreements are essential to properly arrange the care and upbringing of the children after the divorce:

1. Care and access arrangements: Make agreements about the amount of contact that there is between the parents and the children. This includes determining the days and times when the children are with which parent, as well as the division of care and upbringing duties.
2. Drop-off and pick-up: Make sure there are clear agreements about who drops off and picks up the children and at what times this happens.
3. Arrangements regarding special days and holidays: Consider agreements regarding birthdays, public holidays and vacations. Who takes care of the children at what times?
4. Decision-making: Make agreements about how you will make important decisions together, such as medical care, school choices, religious education, and other crucial matters. When considering school matters, consider not only the choice of school, but also practical agreements such as:
   • sharing school information (e.g. reports and newsletters)
   • attending parent evenings
   • homework guidance
   • who is the point of contact in case of emergencies
   If your child is not yet going to school, it is wise to make arrangements now for the future. This prevents misunderstandings and provides clarity when the moment comes.
5. Finances and child support: Record agreements about the costs of raising the children, such as child support. Indicate who pays what amounts and who bears financial responsibility.

In addition to these five points, other agreements that are specific to your situation can also be included. For example, agreements about medication, contact with family, or even rules of conduct such as the child not smoking in exchange for support with driving lessons.

Can a parenting plan be modified?

A parenting plan is not a static document—it can and should be adjusted as circumstances change. Consider, for example, a move, changed working hours, or when children get older and have different needs. It is wise to include in the parenting plan that you evaluate together at fixed times whether the agreements are still appropriate to the situation. Are you unable to reach an agreement or is there disagreement about the content of the plan? Then decide in advance how you will deal with this—for example, by agreeing to first talk to each other or (if necessary) engage a mediator. This way you ensure that the parenting plan continues to fit in with your life and that of the children.

Agreements about adjusting the parenting plan in the event of changes

Situations can change—maybe your work hours change, one parent moves, or one of the children needs extra supervision. It is wise to make agreements in the parenting plan about how you will deal with such changes. For example, record that you evaluate the parenting plan at fixed times, for example every year or every six months. This way you can check together whether the agreements made still fit the new situation and whether adjustments are necessary. It is also useful to describe what you will do if you cannot reach an agreement together. For example, agree that in that case you will first have the conversation together. Still can't figure it out? Then you can include that you seek the help of a mediator, as happens with many families after a divorce. In this way, the parenting plan remains a living document that changes with the lives of you and your children.

What if making appointments doesn't work?

Sometimes you are not on the same page and you are unable to make good agreements together. This can be quite frustrating, especially if you notice that you want to arrange the best for the children. Fortunately, there are various steps you can take to arrive at a parenting plan.

• Get help from a mediator A mediator is an impartial mediator who helps to have conversations and find solutions that both parents can agree on. Mediation can often prevent many arguments and you can still make agreements together without going to court.
• Ask a lawyer or lawyer for advice Is mediation not working either? Then a lawyer or specialized family law lawyer can offer a solution. They think about the options, inform you about your rights and obligations, and can even negotiate on your behalf.
• Enable the right one As a last resort, you can ask the judge to make decisions. The judge will then take the interests of the child as a starting point and determine how care and access will be arranged if the parents cannot reach an agreement.

Remember: the starting point is always the well-being of your children. By asking for help in a timely manner, you can prevent a lot of stress and uncertainty—for you and for the children.

Agreements about traveling abroad with your child

If you are considering traveling abroad with your child, it is wise to make clear agreements about this in the parenting plan. Not only consider the holiday destination and travel dates, but also arrange who manages the passport and how permission is recorded to travel with your child. It is often necessary that both parents give permission for a trip abroad, especially if you are traveling alone with the child. For example, agree:

• How and when permission for international travel is granted.
• Which parent is responsible for applying for and keeping the passport.
• What the procedure is in case of unexpected changes, for example if one parent wants to leave with the child at short notice.
• How contact is kept during the trip.

With these agreements you prevent misunderstandings and ensure that traveling abroad runs smoothly for everyone.

What should I do if my child does not go to school yet?

Do you have a young child who is not yet in school? Even in this situation, it is wise to make agreements in advance for the period in which your child will go to school. By thinking ahead and taking into account, for example, school times, holidays and what pick-up and drop-off will look like, you prevent ambiguity and possible discussions in the future. In this way, together you lay a solid foundation so that the transition to primary school goes smoothly – for you and for your child.

Co-parenting plan

If you decide to opt for co-parenting, this must be specifically included in the parenting plan. With co-parenting, both parents contribute equally to the care and upbringing of the children. The agreements in a co-parenting plan focus on the division of care, such as changeover days and with whom the children stay. With co-parenting, you can opt for an equal division of care, for example by having the children stay with one parent for one week and with the other parent for the next week.

Examples of Agreements in a Parenting Plan

In addition to the mandatory agreements, other matters can be included in the parenting plan to ensure that the plan works well in practice. Consider:

• Agreements about contact with grandparents, family or friends.
• Rules about health care, such as when and how often medications are administered.
• Norms and values that are important in education, for example nutritional regulations or rules about screen time.

What can you do if you have problems with the parenting plan?

Life doesn't always go the way you agreed on paper. It may happen that one of the parents does not fully adhere to the parenting plan or that it is difficult to reach new agreements together when the situation changes. It is smart to include in the parenting plan in advance what you will do if you cannot reach an agreement together. For example, consider engaging a mediator, such as via the MfN register mediators, who can help find a solution that both parties can agree to. A guided conversation often helps to prevent escalation and find a compromise. If you cannot reach an agreement even with the help of a mediator, you can consider legal action as a last resort. But usually it is enough to continue to communicate openly and to be clear about who you can call on if things go wrong. Children may have many questions or emotions after a divorce. Fortunately, there are various forms of support available to help them cope with these changes. Consider, for example, discussion groups and workshops especially for children, offered by organizations such as Villa Pinedo or the Center for Youth and Family. Here children can share experiences with peers who are going through the same thing. In addition, schools often offer extra guidance, such as conversations with a confidential counselor or school social work. In some municipalities there are also children's coaches or special discussion groups, where children learn to express their feelings and deal with the new situation. This way they can get used to life after the divorce in their own way, with support when necessary.

Does the Parenting Plan have to go to court?

If you are married or have a registered partnership, the parenting plan must be submitted to the court together with the divorce petition. This is not mandatory for cohabiting parents, but it is wise to record the plan in a notarial deed to prevent possible conflicts later.

What if agreements are not kept?

It may happen that one of the parents does not adhere to the parenting plan or that it is difficult to reach new agreements together. What can you do then?

• First try to have a conversation with your ex-partner to find a solution together. Clear communication is often the key.
• If this does not work, you can engage an independent mediator together. A mediator helps to restore agreements and find workable solutions that both parties can agree on.
• If the problems persist, you can ask the court to have the agreements made fulfilled or adjusted.

Don't be afraid to seek professional help. This way you prevent small conflicts from turning into bigger problems, and the interests of the children remain central.

When and how do you sign the parenting plan?

Are all agreements clear and neatly written down on paper? Then it's time to sign together. You both sign the parenting plan, indicating that you agree with the agreements made. With this signing, the plan is official and you both know exactly where you stand. It is smart to both keep a copy of the signed parenting plan. This way you can always look back at what you agreed on - very useful if your memory falters. Please note: if you are married or in a registered partnership, the parenting plan should be sent to thecourt together with the divorce application. This will be done via yourlawyer ormediator. There is no mandatory submission to the court for cohabiting parents, but a joint signature still provides clarity for the future.

Draw up a parenting plan with Arslan Advocaten

Drawing up a good parenting plan can sometimes be difficult, especially when a lot of emotions are involved. At Arslan Lawyers, we are happy to help you draw up a solid plan that takes into account the interests of the children and the specific situation of your family. Our family law lawyers have extensive experience in assisting parents in making agreements and establishing a parenting plan that is both legally correct and practically feasible. Contact us today for a no-obligation consultation and discover how we can help you reach good agreements for your children.